Johnson, he is packing up his duds for a grand skedaddle.
My brethren, he is a cuss, and a 'cuss of cowardice.'
"Then there is Gideon Pillow, who has undertaken a contract for digging that 'last ditch,' of which you have all heard so much. I am afraid the 'feathers will fly' whenever that case is opened, and that Pillow will give us the slip. The 'sword of the Lord' isn't the sword of Gideon Pillow, so I shall not bolster him up any longer. Gideon is a cuss, my brethren, and a 'cuss of cowardice.'
"There is Wash Barrow, who has been handling millions of dollars and staying cosily at home, while 'lewd fellows of the baser sort' do the fighting. I believe this Barrow belongs to the herd of swine spoken of in the Testament, of whom the devil took possession. Why don't he bristle up to the Yankees? Does he want to 'save his bacon' more than to save the South? If he does he ought to be well smoked. He, too, is a cuss, and a 'cuss of cowardice.'
"Then there is the Vigilance Committee of Nashville. Vigilant about what, I should like to know? As 'vigilant as a cat to steal cream,' I guess, as the apostle Falstaff says in his sermon to Prince Hal. Why don't they shoulder their muskets and go out to fight the Yankees, instead of running off poor mechanics who have no friends? My friends, they are all cusses, and 'cusses of cowardice.'
My brethren and sisters, I'll tell you who are not cusses of cowardice. Myself, the author of Armageddon, and Dr. McFerrin, author of the Confederate Primer, and Dr. Summers, author of the Confederate Almanac, and Brother Houston, who is getting up a Confederate Bible. We are not 'cusses of cowardice.' No, sir-ee!
"My brethren, just get the almanac and look for that Confederate 'eclipse of the sun,' and then get down Brother Mac's primer, and read that heavenly little story about the 'Smart Dixie Boy,' and then buy a copy of my Armageddon, for one dollar and fifty cents, and you will fight like - (enter messenger, wildly exclaiming, 'Fort Donelson is taken, and the Yankee gunboats are in sight!') Oh! Lord, my brethren, oh! Lord! - let's skedaddle!"
The discourse was here broken off short; but the pious author assures us that it will be published in full in his next edition of Armageddon, which he requests us to say he will still sell at one dollar and fifty cents.